Are We There Yet?

Temple of Knowledge. Or maybe it's a library. Same thing, really.

As I sit here thinking about all the possibilities for learning in the coming months, I'm struck by the realization that I am still learning.  Don't get me wrong, I haven't been floating haphazardly through life without paying attention to my surroundings.  I have realized before today that I'm still learning. I've always thought that that learning was happening because I am so intentional about it.  I'm going to college, reading books and experiencing the world with the intention of learning. What I realized today, though, is that I would still learn even if I wasn't being so intentional simply because I exist and don't hide under a rock.

Here's an example of what I mean.  I was scrolling through a social media sight when I happened upon an interesting video.  I watched the video and thought about what I was seeing.  Then I decided to do more research because I still had questions. It was at that moment, while I was relaxing in my quiet house drinking my morning coffee on the first day of my vacation, that I realized I was learning.  Unintentionally.

In today's educational environment, children and adults seem to assume that the point of education is to reach some sort of end goal.  For some, that goal is a meaningful career.  For others it may mean simply financial stability.  Others, still, may just be waiting for their education to be done so they can start living their lives.

15 years ago, everyone, even I, assumed that I was done with my education.  I had the degree that I needed to get a good job and help to support my young family.  What no one realized, though, is that I was still constantly learning for the whole four years that I followed that career path.  Schooling hadn't prepared me for the practical work of the day to day tasks involved in my employment. So I had to learn how to do those things.  When a boss asked me if I'd be interested in working on a project with him, I timidly replied yes.  I left his office and immediately began scouring resources to learn what I needed to know in order to be an effective partner on the project.

Shortly thereafter, I embarked on a new career with a whole new set of expectations and educational requirements. I also began homeschooling my children and discovered a whole world of knowledge waiting for me!

My point is this:  I've still got a lot of life left (at least I hope I do) and I still have so much to learn that I can't imagine ever reaching an end point.  I'm definitely not there yet.

My husband recently learned (from a pretty amazing mentor) what is necessary to replace a toilet and flooring in a bathroom.  He continues to learn about his own interests as well as the people around him.  He is a student of life.  He is not there yet.

My children are still young and just starting their educational journeys.  My 18 year old is, for the first time, looking at her future in terms of how she wants to earn a living (this idea didn't become real to her until just recently). My younger daughter still moves from one interest to another with such fluidity that the observer often misses the transition.  They are not there yet.

My 81 year old grandfather is learning more everyday about his love for God through a newly discovered religious path. He is learning to navigate this world without the woman that he shared his life with. At the same time he is experiencing, for the first time in 60 years, the excitement of a new relationship.  Even he is not there yet.

Celebrate learning!

To me, this is all evidence that we are NEVER there.  We can all take comfort in the idea that we will not ever be done learning and growing.  Whatever of those basic, "necessary" subjects our children haven't mastered by the time they leave us, they may tackle at a different point on their journey. (I'm living proof as I relearn basic math!) I take comfort in the idea that my family and I have the rest of our lives to learn all of the things that we still want to learn. So do you!

My first lesson about education

What is education? I have been asking myself this question for a long time - at least as long as I have been homeschooling my children. Not just asking, but struggling over it. The truth is that the answer is different for everyone.  Which makes the struggle greater because no one else can tell me what education is and what it should look like.

So, I began doing research.  Not too far into my search, I found an answer. Children should be the masters of their own education because only they know what is right for them.  Only they can determine their interests, abilities and path.

"This HAS to be education!" I thought. 

Through Unschooling, I learned that the interests of the student are important.  Children are not just empty vessels for adults to fill up with information.   Exactly right!  As I watched my children, I realized that yes!  They do have their own interests and needs.  Why shouldn't I encourage them to pursue those things? 

I decided to adopt the Unschooling philosophy and we were off on our new learning adventure. That was around the time of my very first post on this blog. One of the things that I thought would be great about Unschooling was all the time I would have - to blog and pursue my own education. My kids would get an education and I would get an education.  Win/Win! Right?  

**Disclaimer - What you are about to read may be upsetting for some readers.  I know that Unschooling works for many families.  I know this because I've read books and heard personal accounts from people that I actually know.  If you are reading this and you are one of those people for whom Unschooling is the answer to the question "What is education?" - Great!  Nothing that I am about to say is a reflection of what I think of you.  It is all my personal experience and journey. Please be patient with me through my description of this journey, or skip over it to the end where I say "That's was my first very important lesson on my journey to answer the question, "What is education."**

In theory Unschooling was great.  In practice, it was awful.  It seemed to me that, even after an extremely long "detox" period, my children were not doing the hard work necessary to become proficient at anything.  Sure, they were learning things.  What they weren't doing was struggling with concepts, tackling difficult subject matter or putting in the work when things got a little boring or hard.  

  What I discovered is that Unschooling, at least for my family, has a hidden curriculum.  As a result, my children were learning and embracing three important and mortifying lessons: 

  - I don't have to do anything I don't want to do.

 -  If I don't think it's interesting, then it has no value.

 - If something is hard, I don't have to do it.

I know, I know!  Those that have had a great Unschooling experience are probably shuddering right now, assuming I did something wrong. They may be right. However, it is not nice to kick someone when they are down. Possibly the worst thing someone can say to me as I struggle with what to do next would be, "Well.  You should have....."  Maybe your right.  Maybe I should have.  But I didn't, plan and simple.  This is my journey and my journey is different from yours because it is supposed to be.  

After thinking about all the things that my children weren't learning, and after fretting about the future, I had my first "Aha!" moment. The first inkling into my answer to "What is Education?" 

Mastery!  Of course!  I was upset because my children were not mastering skills.  The more I thought and read, the more I realized that those people that I view as being educated are masters in their subject matter.  What I want for my children is for them to completely understand what they are studying.  I want them to sweat over it, become frustrated, experience successes, fret more, become frustrated again, experience failure and sweat more.  I want them to really work hard to get to know the subjects they are studying.  

So there is was.  Mastery.  It became a tag word as I tried to convince my children, now deeply committed to the freedom of Unschooling and resistant to my interference, that some guidance and input from me didn't mean that they were losing anything. Honestly, though, despite my epiphany, I had no idea how to apply this idea to homeschooling.  

So I just talk about it.  A lot.  I talk about hard work and about the gratification of completing a difficult task.  I talked to my children about what I want for them as a parent.  I talk about my own struggles with learning and I tried to set a good example by struggling through the tough-for-me-to-master subjects.  I let them see me cry and I let them celebrate with me.  

Slowly, I began to see a shift in my children.  At first, just in their understanding, and then in their actions.  As my children began to apply themselves more in their studies they began having their own successes.  Now, we can celebrate as a family about the amazing learning that is happening in our home.

That was my first very important lesson on the journey to answer the question, "What is education?" I'm so glad that we are going through this struggle. I would love to hear about the struggles and aha moments that others have had in trying to decide how to define education.  Please comment below!