My first lesson about education

What is education? I have been asking myself this question for a long time - at least as long as I have been homeschooling my children. Not just asking, but struggling over it. The truth is that the answer is different for everyone.  Which makes the struggle greater because no one else can tell me what education is and what it should look like.

So, I began doing research.  Not too far into my search, I found an answer. Children should be the masters of their own education because only they know what is right for them.  Only they can determine their interests, abilities and path.

"This HAS to be education!" I thought. 

Through Unschooling, I learned that the interests of the student are important.  Children are not just empty vessels for adults to fill up with information.   Exactly right!  As I watched my children, I realized that yes!  They do have their own interests and needs.  Why shouldn't I encourage them to pursue those things? 

I decided to adopt the Unschooling philosophy and we were off on our new learning adventure. That was around the time of my very first post on this blog. One of the things that I thought would be great about Unschooling was all the time I would have - to blog and pursue my own education. My kids would get an education and I would get an education.  Win/Win! Right?  

**Disclaimer - What you are about to read may be upsetting for some readers.  I know that Unschooling works for many families.  I know this because I've read books and heard personal accounts from people that I actually know.  If you are reading this and you are one of those people for whom Unschooling is the answer to the question "What is education?" - Great!  Nothing that I am about to say is a reflection of what I think of you.  It is all my personal experience and journey. Please be patient with me through my description of this journey, or skip over it to the end where I say "That's was my first very important lesson on my journey to answer the question, "What is education."**

In theory Unschooling was great.  In practice, it was awful.  It seemed to me that, even after an extremely long "detox" period, my children were not doing the hard work necessary to become proficient at anything.  Sure, they were learning things.  What they weren't doing was struggling with concepts, tackling difficult subject matter or putting in the work when things got a little boring or hard.  

  What I discovered is that Unschooling, at least for my family, has a hidden curriculum.  As a result, my children were learning and embracing three important and mortifying lessons: 

  - I don't have to do anything I don't want to do.

 -  If I don't think it's interesting, then it has no value.

 - If something is hard, I don't have to do it.

I know, I know!  Those that have had a great Unschooling experience are probably shuddering right now, assuming I did something wrong. They may be right. However, it is not nice to kick someone when they are down. Possibly the worst thing someone can say to me as I struggle with what to do next would be, "Well.  You should have....."  Maybe your right.  Maybe I should have.  But I didn't, plan and simple.  This is my journey and my journey is different from yours because it is supposed to be.  

After thinking about all the things that my children weren't learning, and after fretting about the future, I had my first "Aha!" moment. The first inkling into my answer to "What is Education?" 

Mastery!  Of course!  I was upset because my children were not mastering skills.  The more I thought and read, the more I realized that those people that I view as being educated are masters in their subject matter.  What I want for my children is for them to completely understand what they are studying.  I want them to sweat over it, become frustrated, experience successes, fret more, become frustrated again, experience failure and sweat more.  I want them to really work hard to get to know the subjects they are studying.  

So there is was.  Mastery.  It became a tag word as I tried to convince my children, now deeply committed to the freedom of Unschooling and resistant to my interference, that some guidance and input from me didn't mean that they were losing anything. Honestly, though, despite my epiphany, I had no idea how to apply this idea to homeschooling.  

So I just talk about it.  A lot.  I talk about hard work and about the gratification of completing a difficult task.  I talked to my children about what I want for them as a parent.  I talk about my own struggles with learning and I tried to set a good example by struggling through the tough-for-me-to-master subjects.  I let them see me cry and I let them celebrate with me.  

Slowly, I began to see a shift in my children.  At first, just in their understanding, and then in their actions.  As my children began to apply themselves more in their studies they began having their own successes.  Now, we can celebrate as a family about the amazing learning that is happening in our home.

That was my first very important lesson on the journey to answer the question, "What is education?" I'm so glad that we are going through this struggle. I would love to hear about the struggles and aha moments that others have had in trying to decide how to define education.  Please comment below!